Paul's Way of Saying Goodbye

Which is your heart-way of saying goodbye to family? To a loved one? To the boss? To someone you just met? A little different yet it means the same thing. You are out of there or you wish them to be!

Here, with Paul, goodbye comes hard. A number of times, he tries NOT to see the people of Ephesus for different reasons.
1. He was on his way to Jerusalem and needed to get there fast.
2. He knew it would be hard on them and on him.

Dr. Ronald Koteskey, of the New Hope International Ministries whose specialty is member care writes: Saying goodbye is not a new problem.
“Paul was apparently in Ephesus only a short time near the end of this second term. After speaking in the synagogue, Paul left a couple in Ephesus to continue the work. People asked him to spend more time there, but he declined, saying he could come back if it was God’s will (Acts 18:19-21). He and his co-workers there had to say goodbye."

He sees them again.

"Near the beginning of his third term, Paul again went to Ephesus. After more than two years of evangelism, discipleship, spiritual warfare, and encouragement Paul again said goodbye and left. He traveled to Macedonia with a multinational team of seven others (Acts 19:1-20:1). Again he and the disciples he left there had to say goodbye."

Once again, he sees them.

"Near the end of his third term, Paul decided not to stop at Ephesus even though he was passing close by, because he was in a hurry. However, he did stop a few miles south of Ephesus and sent for the elders of the Ephesian church so that he could meet with them briefly. Then they again had to say goodbye. In this instance we are told more about the nature of the goodbye:"

LAST TIME!

"They wept, embraced, kissed, grieved, and finally tore themselves away (Acts 20:16-21:1). Saying multiple goodbyes to coworkers is nothing new for” third culture people, which we all are here at ICCS-in one way or another."

Copyright 2007, Ronald L. Koteskey, 122 Lowry Lane, Wilmore, KY 40390, USA. ron@missionarycare.com, www.missionarycare.com. Permission is granted to copy and distribute this book without charge in its entirety.

How does saying goodbye effect us?

It affects each person differently. Over the years at ICCS, we have said goodbye to over 800 people in the last 18 years. Some of them left without saying goodbye. Some people seem to have little need for deep relationships and are very comfortable keeping things on a surface level; saying goodbye has relatively little or no effect on them. Still others have a deep need and desire to go deeper than the surface with a larger group of people and saying goodbye effects them deeply. We need to make room for both of them.

It is important for each side to know that the other people in the group may not share their stand of this issue. We need to give room for them to express their heart feelings as well.

In the US, it is reported that one out of six people moves away every year. Here, we have a turn over of about 10-20% each year. It is hard for some. A growing hardship for those who tend to stay.

The question may become: Do we just stop making relationships with new people because it is too hard to say goodbye? I would say that it would be the wrong way to go. Each of us is unique and is made in a different way by Creator God. Each of us has a task, or plan to accomplish in our lifetime. Some do that well, others run from the responsibility and move on anyway.

In John 13:34~35, Jesus speaks to this issue. 34 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

Jesus commands us to love each other as He loved us. How was that? Surface or deep? Distant or close? Loving and being loved are central in our development as human beings and as members of the Family of God. When deeper relationships are avoided, both sides lose a part of their potential support team. This is how we are known by the world to be Believers; how we love each other.

Paul was concerned for these people. He looked to the leadership of the church there in Ephesus for them to lead the church into the next generation and beyond. How did he expect this?

First: He was the example: He keep telling them that ‘they knew.” “You know how I lived…” “You know that I have…”

How we live is only half the story of what we are as Believers. Yes, the world will know that we are Believers when we love each other (John 13:34-35) but we also must be that example for them to follow and to watch. They were to watch their doctrine (verse 21) and watch how they walk (28). Luke would share this section with a deep concern for the WAY a man lived as well as the manner of his ministry. His Character and manner of life style needed to match. The one saying goodbye would be a whole lot more successful in reaching the hearts and minds of his people by reminding those left behind of a model life lived before them. Orthopraxy meaning "correct practice" and orthodoxy means "correct teaching". You need both to walk the Walk with the Talk.

Paul reminded them of the model life he had lived before them as he served the Lord. He uses a word that is used in the slave-master relationship. See Luke 16: 13 "No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."

Paul’s way of living and his way of conduct—his allegiances to His Master determined or agreed with the conduct of his life and ministry. In the letter to them, he wrote:Eph 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Paul was very personal with these leaders. He said in verse 31: Remember that for three years I never stopped warning each of you night and day with tears. Paul’s spiritual skin was as tough as his heart, as he would face severe testing from the plots of the Jews as well as hardship in life in general—for the sake of the Gospel. Again, orthopraxy and orthodoxy, working together!

He reminds them of the central push of the Message. He had taught them from house to house and the message never changed to fit the situation. He was not all things to all men in that department. He was not tolerant to his own error. He was steadfast. He followed the Gospel of Christ!

His message was that every man must turn to God in repentance and have Faith in our Lord Jesus. (Vs 21)

For the Jew, it was to return to the Faith of the fathers; for the Gentile, a turning to the one true God for the first time! This was the same message for both the Jew and the Gentile. Both for the national and the expat. Both for the men and the women. Not a different gospel to fit the mode or comfort of the society!

He did not hesitate or shrink back in fear to preach what was given him by the Lord. The message of repentance means total surrender to God, complete trust in His Son. Thru the Son of God comes the gift of Grace-which is Salvation.

He did this because he was compelled by the Spirit (22) And this same compelling drive of the Spirit of God was taking him to Jerusalem. He knew of the warnings. God had made it clear to him FROM THE START.

He also did it this way to prepare the leaders for what was yet to come. Both in his leaving, and the fact that some will fall away! Some would follow the other gospel for some reason and fall away -- talking others with them. He called them “savage wolves!” And wolves they would be, tearing the Truth out of the Gospel and eating the people up with their greed and their falsehoods.

The Key was for ALL men to repent and turn to God. Not a popular statement today, but I give that no care. People’s eternal status is at risk of having them separated for eternity from the Loving God of the Bible. Again, the message is the same that Jesus taught. "Put your trust in Me. Give Me your heart. Give Me your hunger. Give Me your pain and I will give you rest!"

Two more things: One, he told them they would not see him again and Two, that he would commit them to God.
Both of these are a reality for the believer. Some will say goodbye and we shall never see them again. We must be ready for that time. Commit them to the Lord and see them in Heaven.

When I said Goodbye to my Dad at the R.I. airport, nine years ago, I felt in my spirit that I would not see him alive again. I was overcome with sadness yet I realized that he knew the Lord and that he was ready to see him. I needed to release Dad to His tender arms and let him go. That was a very hard phone call to make! Hard as that was, these leaders felt that same pain. It grieved them. They cried and they wept and they embraced and kissed Paul with all the passion of people who loved him.

Paul sets out to prepare the leaders of their task to be watchful over the church. He committed them to God and to the Word of His Grace! What better place to be but to be in that place of His Grace!

More important that the commitment of the leaders to the teaching of the Lord is the reality of God’s faithfulness to His commitment! As we depend on His faithfulness, we can do the job He has given to us.

There is much to say concerning this passage. We do not have the time to go into the details of Paul’s charge to the leaders nor the other important teachings of Church life and commitment, but I will say that they ended this visit correctly. They prayed. So shall we.